Women inside the Church: Healing the past & Creating a better path forward.

Church Girl: My Happy Place

Growing up in the church has profoundly shaped the way I see my life. It’s only fitting, then, to acknowledge that the people within the church; their words, their actions, and the ways they showed up (or failed to) - were instrumental in my development as a child. Their influence painted the picture of who I believed myself to be. Because of this, I am a firm believer in the importance of church family.

The children running through the aisles of my church are not just random faces. As an adult, I recognize the profound opportunity I have to speak either life or discouragement into them. Yes, they have parents, but the role of the community is far more significant than we often realize.

Women, in particular, played a pivotal role in my spiritual and personal formation. I was blessed to grow up surrounded by women whose presence, wisdom, and grace left a lasting imprint on me. My grandmother embodied poise and grace, my Children’s Director, Aida, was a model of strength and leadership, my Youth Ministry Counselor, Bethzaida, taught me the power of joy and using my voice, and a beloved church mother, Raquel, exuded beauty and elegance. These women poured life into me at every opportunity.

They took the time to tell me I was intelligent, capable, and loved by God. They reminded me that I was forgiven, cherished, and wonderfully made. Sometimes, their words were as simple as telling me I looked beautiful; but even those moments mattered. Today, as I engage with young girls, teenagers, and college students in my church, I often find myself drawing from these women’s examples, seeking to pay forward the kindness and affirmation they once extended to me.

Yet, not all my experiences with women in the church were positive. There were those who, instead of nurturing, chose to judge. Too often, their words were laced with insecurity, criticism, or exclusion. Unfortunately, young people can be easy targets for those who are overworked, overwhelmed, or wrestling with their own unhealed wounds.

I know firsthand how it feels to be on the receiving end of a cutting remark, to be intentionally left out for the sake of someone else’s comfort, or to bear the brunt of ministerial jealousy. These experiences, much like the positive ones, shaped me. I wish they hadn’t, but they did. And healing from them required deep, intentional work. I had to unlearn toxic narratives, reframe my experiences, and give myself the love and affirmation I had once been denied.

For years, I avoided women's ministry events, convinced they were spaces of judgment rather than sisterhood. The irony? Today, Church Girl meetings are my absolute favorite place to be.

This is why womanhood in the church matters so much. We are the backbone of our congregations, the glue that holds both our families and our church families together. Our words, our actions, and even the smallest gestures carry weight. And with that weight comes responsibility - the responsibility to wield our influence with love and grace.

At my church, after God, my husband is the head of the church. But I hold myself responsible for being the heart of the church. I encourage every woman - whether in leadership or not—to ask herself: How can I be the heart of my community?

May we be women who speak life, who uplift, and who create spaces of love, healing, and belonging. Because when we do, we don’t just build strong women - we build a stronger church.

Paz,